Paradox Point

The Amorous Arsonist   Once upon a time a man fell passionately in love with a firefighter. But he feared to approach his beloved; so instead he set fires just to see his beloved arrive to put those fires out, while he watched from hiding. But one day the firefighter found him out. The firefighter said, “Who in Hell do you think you are? I never knew you. Get out of my sight!”    Moral: Love honestly or not at all.   Comment: Some Evangelicals celebrate disaster as a sign of the second coming of Christ. Evidently they haven’t thought this through. Their perversity inspired me to write this fable. Consider it as a reductio-ad-absurdum refutation of their ideology.    

              From the Annals of “The National Liar”:              Judgement Day: Mankind Damned                Anytown, U.S.A.:         In a surprise move last Tuesday, the Lord God Almighty passed judgement on the entire human race. The judgement was negative; and in consequence, the planet Earth was obliterated, all mortal life destroyed, and every human soul damned for all eternity.           “There’s just no pleasing some people,” said J.R.”Bob” Dobbs, Mome of the Noman Particular Church. “Who does He think He is?”           The Lord’s vengeance was swift and terrible. Atheists were annihilated, agnostics eviscerated, and followers of false prophets roasted slowly over an open flame. Only believers in the One True Faith were spared; unfortunatel...

          From the annals of the National Liar        V1#1, October 31, 1994           Chinese Horrorscope             Year of the Skunk           You are smug, garish and obnoxious.   Skilled at offense. Choose a career in procuring, narcotics smuggling, or advertising. Marry a Bat or a Weasel but not a Viper or a Shark.             Year of the Bat           You like nightlife, soft music and aviation.   Prone to eccentric ideas. Choose a career in religion, academia or Presidential politics. Marry a Mosquito or a Cockroach but not a Crocodile or a Shark.   Year of the Viper           You are slippery, narrow-minded and...

Accurate Astrology   Consider this oracular prognostication:   When yon star, alchemic bright, ‘round which the planets gyre Does advance his burning eye To meet the bleeding western sky Causing day’s bright light to die It portends that many people soon to bed retire.                Or in other words, people will go to bed tonight! To this utterly accurate prediction, based upon the position of a star (the Sun) in the sky, I add these:   When yon sphere that orbits ‘round our world near and true Does advance her silv’ry eye and shifting phases in the sky From full to new to full on high Then women shall, within that time, their cycles once go through. When yonder sphere that ‘round our world elliptically flies Does advance by daily creep To zenith high or nadir deep Then that portends the mighty sea shall swell to tidal highs; But when her eye moves through the sky, and Earth’s companion goes...

        Robot Islands           A speculation             It’s the year 2200. The last inhabitant of Japan dies at age 200, and is buried by robots. The Chinese do not invade because the robotic defense perimeter is still operational, the factories still work, and the ports are still importing raw materials, and exporting manufactured goods. All of the work is done by robots, including management and banking; and those robots are maintained by other robots. Visitors are allowed, but there is no work for humans, and the robots charge enormous prices for all human necessities, up to and including excretion. The Japanese people still exist, overseas, underground on Mars, and floating over Venus.    

          From the annals of the National Liar V1#1 October 31, 1994           Why I Did Not Complete This Assignment             I really tried to do my homework; honest, I did; but everything went wrong. I mean, everything . You wouldn’t believe what happened. I wouldn’t either, if it hadn’t happened to me.           So there I was, sitting at my computer, busy writing this assignment. I was just getting into it when the phone rang. It was my Mom; she said the house was on fire, and she wanted me to drive 750 miles to put it out with my bottle of Evian water. I told her that didn’t make any sense; I had drunk up most of the water, there was a traffic jam, my car was in the shop, and besides wasn’t there a fire station right next door? Oh that’s right, Mom said, and she hung up.  ...