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TANSTAAFL Decoded

TANSTAAFL Decoded   TANSTAAFL stands for “There Ain’t No Such Thing As A Free Lunch”. This sound-bite, popularized by Heinlein in “The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress”, has some serious problems. For one thing, almost half of it is filler. “Such Thing As A”: those four words, out of nine, add nothing. They aren’t needed, even for grammar. Without them it reads “There Ain’t No Free Lunch”, which says the same in 5/9ths of the words. ******* From the personal log of the leader of an Expedition into the Heinlein Desert: Word 1, “Such”. We have entered the Heinlein Desert. The landscape is bleak and supplies are low. Word 2, “Thing”. We are out of food and low on water. Word 3, “As”. Water gone. Morale low. Conditions desperate. Word 4, “A”. Most of us dead. A curse on the Heinlein Desert. ******* And even if we bypass the Heinlein Desert, “there ain’t no free lunch” has a double negative in it. Now, I ain’t against “ain’t”: it’s a wonderfully warm word, which deserves g...
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Sinatra Effect

           Sinatra Effect             There’s something that I call the “Sinatra Effect”. I once saw a video clip of Frank Sinatra when he was young and cute and charming and appealing. This astonished me, for my whole life I only knew Sinatra as old and ugly and bitter and scary. This disconnect is what I call the Sinatra Effect.           Likewise, I never knew “conservatives” as conserving the use of government power; nor as prudent rational traditionalists. On the contrary! They may still be running on that reputation, but most people now alive never knew them like that. Thus, a Sinatra Effect.           In general the Sinatra Effect afflicts anyone or anything that outlives its appeal. For instance, Bill Cosby and Woody Allen.               ...
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Starfleet Regulations

Starfleet Regulations       Prime Directive: The Universe shall not interfere with Starfleet.   Prime Excuse: The aliens made me do it.   Motto: To boldly go where angels fear to tread.   Dress Code: Red shirts die!   Foreign Policy: Let’s you and them fight.   Domestic Policy: You will be tolerated. Resistance is futile.   Technical Problem: Technobabble pollutes subspace.   Secret Weapon: Beam me outta here!   Secret Shame: Transporters replicate redshirts.
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Saga Of The Spook Duke

             Saga Of The Spook Duke           Outline of a fantasy historical play in 3 acts                Act One. Enter Edward de Vere, 17 th Earl of Oxford. He is cultured, well-travelled, well-spoken and imaginative. His Queen summons him to her secret service. Intrigue follows; espionage, secrets, lies, exposures, reversals, betrayals, swordfights and the knife in the back. In the end Elizabeth the First deprives him of title, lands, name, identity… but not life. He becomes a genuine ‘spook’; not merely a spy, but truly a restless spirit, neither alive nor dead. And what made the Virgin Queen grant so grim a reward, and the Earl accept it? I propose illicit love. His clever tongue got him into trouble, and then halfway out.           Act Two. The Spook Duke (yes, he’s an Earl, but Spook Duke rhymes) takes to d...
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On Pantopia

         On Pantopia                  The word ‘Utopia’ was Sir Thomas More’s sour joke; it meant both Eu-topia, the Good Place, and also Ou-topia, No Place. The satirical pessimist More meant Utopia as a place literally too good to be true. Somehow world culture missed the joke, and covertly thinks Utopia possible after all; but fears that such perfection might prove to be boring; so in sheer reaction later culture invented the antithesis to utopia: Dystopia, the Bad Place.                But perfect wrongness is just as unnatural, unsustainable and boring as any other perfection; so I propose a third place:                Pantopia, the All-place.                Pantopia is a place where everything that happens everywhere, happens. Anything inevitable, like death or taxes, or cosmic...
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