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Elvis is Undead!

           Elvis is Undead!               Graceville – The peace of the grave was shattered last night when a UFO raided Graceland. Space aliens from the flying saucer abducted Elvis’s rotting corpse and restored the dead singer to a zombified semblance of pseudo-life.           “He’s baaack,” said the mayor of Memphis, “and he’s baaad!”           “Undead, he sounds just as bad as he did alive,” said Ditsy Oddbonken, recording secretary of the Elvis Former Fan Club. “And when we saw his corpse twitching there in that spotlight cast by the UFO – well, you could just tell that Elvis’s days of being alive are way behind him.”           The Elvis zombie performed only briefly; a few minutes of “Heartbreak Hotel” convinced the alien invaders to return Elvis’s unde...
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A Glimpse Into My So-Called Mind

             A Glimpse Into My So-Called Mind     I offer this tale as a glimpse into my so-called mind. Sherri and I were are a fancy restaurant. Across the room was a dinner-party at a big table; and right above it, one of the lamp-shades was just a little bit crooked. Of course I didn’t cross the room, climb onto the table, walk past the dinner party, and straighten the lamp-shade; but I wanted to.  
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National Liar Auto-Smear

             National Liar Auto-Smear               In a stunning and spectacular announcement to all major print and video news networks, National Liar personnel have categorically denied all truth to certain absurd rumors about them. They all declare that they have never been guilty, or even accused, of the following crimes:             SRS, for selling Coca-Cola’s secret formula to the Illuminati;           NH, for lewd public sex with an extraterrestrial;           EB, for embezzling 3.5 billion dollars from Elvis Presley;           M-A, for Bermuda Triangle money laundering.             “We’d never do these things,” they declared in a joint an...
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The James Brown Bill

                 The James Brown Bill A Modest Proposal                On December 26, 2006, I was driving south on I-280, with my daughter in the back seat. We passed Colma, and the big flag there was at half-mast.              Over the noise of traffic, I called back to my daughter, “See that flag? It’s at half-mast; and that is in honor of someone who died recently. Now it happens that recently two well-known people died; Gerald Ford and James Brown. Gerald Ford was the President of the United States; an important politician; and James Brown was the Godfather of Soul; a great musician. Now the usual story is that the flag is at half-mast in honor of the President, and James Brown happened to die the previous day.  But as far as I am concerned, it is the other way around. That flag is at half-mast in honor of the Go...
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On Corporate Execution

             On Corporate Execution           A Modest Proposal             WHEREAS:           Under United States Federal Law, a Corporation is regarded as a Person,           AND WHEREAS:           Under United States Federal Law, Persons found guilty of committing certain heinous crimes may incur the penalty of death,           THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED:           That under United States Federal Law, Corporations found guilty of committing certain heinous crimes may incur the penalty of death.             Definition of Corporate Execution     ...
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Dry Wells in Science

             Dry Wells in Science               This is a partial and messy list of dry wells, diversions, illusions, fantasies, follies and distractions in the history of science and its fiction.             Proof of Consistency of Complete Formalist Math           Laplacian Predictor           Clockwork World System           Straight-edge and compass constructions:                    Trisecting the angle                    Doubling the cube              ...
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Ask Dr. Psience (2)

          Ask Dr. Psience (2)               Dear Dr. Psience:           What is the “Missing Mass”? Where has it gone off to?                    Signed, Lost in Space             Dear Lost in Space:           Cosmologists say that the universe will continue to expand forever unless it contains a critical density of matter. Observations show that the cosmic mass density is only 5% of that amount. Cosmologists, who like their theories neat, their questions answered and their cosmos closed, ask; where is the missing mass?           Parallel to this is one called the “Fermi Paradox”, named after Enrico Fe...
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