Paradox Point

           From the annals of the National Liar           V2#1, April 1, 1995             Why Conservatives Destroy             Dear reader, please consider the following story, one which could be told of many places – including your home town.           Our tale begins with the city prosperous but perplexed. Though most people work and save, some do not; thought most neighborhoods are clean and safe, some are not; though most people are happy and healthy, some are not. Though the city is a success, it is haunted by the shadow of failure.           The people contemplate the paradox of poverty within wealth, and decide that something must be done. In response to popular protest, politicians promise radical change...

                 From the Annals of the National Liar        V2#2 October 31, 1995          Major Credit Cards Honored          Minor Credit Cards Mocked        Micro Credit Cards Snubbed        Discredit Cards Denounced        Mega Credit Cards Worshiped        Checks Rejected        IOU’s Persecuted        Barter Tolerated        Gold Acknowledged        Money Accepted

         Just By Being Cats   Before my wife and I got cats, mouse droppings kept appearing in the basement. Then we got cats, the cats lounged around and rubbed their scent everywhere, and the mouse droppings stopped appearing. The mice would crawl in, sniff the air, smell cat, and crawl out. The cats did their job just by being cats!

             From the annals of the National Liar           V2#2 October 31, 1995           Black Hole! Earth Absorbed   On September 23, 7:23 GMT, a black hole collided with planet Earth. The collapsed star quickly absorbed the planet; a cosmic catastrophe that spelled the end of all life on Earth, including the human race.           “It’s a dangerous universe,” commented Carl Sagan, noted media astronomer. “The dinosaurs, too, dominated Earth’s ecology, and they too were destroyed by an asteroid impact. How are the mighty fallen!”           “Dammit, I had just made the down payment on my new car, when all of a sudden this happens,” said Joseph Six-pack, of Oshkosh, Idaho.   “If I had known this was coming I’d have kept the old four-door.”  ...

From the annals of the National Liar Volume 0, #0, April 1, 1993 Big Bang Theory Explodes   The “Big Bang” is dead. Astronomers from around the world convened to announce that the “Big Bang” theory of the origin of the universe is “absurd, incorrect, impotent and obsolete”. Stephen Hawking said, “Basically, we were barking up the wrong tree. We thought the Big Bang explained everything, but now it has outlived its usefulness.” The “Big Bang” theory claimed that the entire universe was originally concentrated in a single point, which exploded. This, according to the theory, explains the expansion of the universe; which explains the Hubble redshift; which in turn explains the darkness of the night sky. The Big Bang has also been made to answer for the abundance of deuterium; the flatness of space; the absence of anti-matter; and the 2.7 degree Kelvin background radiation. However, difficulties plagued the theory from its inception. It was not clear how galaxies could fo...

                 From the annals of the National Liar Volume 3, #1, April 1, 1996        “Beige People” Issue Protest             “We’re not white; we’re beige!” declared Elmo Earl of the Beige People’s Liberation Front. The infamous racial demagogue proclaimed to thousands of cheering followers, “Snow is white. Paper is white. Milk and soap suds are white. Clouds are white. Bones are white. But we aren’t. We’re another color. We’re beige! ”           Mr. Earl pointed out that the color of paper and the color of Caucasian skin are clearly distinguishable to the eye. He argued, “Suppose you went down to the grocer and got a carton of milk. If it turned out to be full of a liquid exactly the same color I am, would you drink it? No you wouldn’t! You’d bring it back for a refund! And why? Because milk is wh...