A Common Flu

A Common Flu

(after Ogden Nash)

(from 2020)

 

Impeach yourself, you orange cuck!

You may not mock our lousy luck.

So hie thee hence! The golf course beckons;

Wash out your mouth for twenty seconds;

By next November we’re inspired

To tell you, “Mister, you are fired.”

You know we know it isn’t true

To call our plague a common flu.

 

By millions stricken by the Crown;

By nurses lacking guarding gown;

By stealth asymptomatic spread

Then old and weak are strangled dead;

By lockdown all across the land;

By general strike by Doc’s command;

This virus you call common flu

Is the damnedest pest man ever knew!

 

Give ear, you meretricious moan-ah;

Here is the genuine King Corona!

Pandemic medic’s daymare dream;

The Perfect Plague, the Plague Supreme.

This misled nation bleakly holds

The Super-cold to end all colds;

The killingest cold come down the pike;

The Führer of the Viral Reich.

 

Viruses swarm within our borders

Doing damage more than mortars;

Evolving nasty, fast, and neat

To treat us like a tasty treat;

Undead molecular machines

Outsmarting you despite your schemes.

No lies or spin can make them stop

Their exponential rise to top.

 

A common flu? All right, okay!

Then Oswald jostled JFK;

Hefner was a budding swinger

and some say Elvis was a singer;

A nuclear winter is kinda grim

And your description is kinda dim.

The losingest loser ever to lose

is you, who belittled the Flu of Flus!